Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In August I pulled rabbit_hugs's hair (-5 points). Last Saturday on a flight to Vancouver, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). Last Wednesday I committed genocide... Sorry about that, violettsukino (-5000 points). Last Sunday way_past_cool and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). In April I bought porn for alycus (-10 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5044 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, flyboy_fox

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Ahahaha... sorry about that, Blazey XD Phew... -5044 points this year? That's gotta be a new personal best!

Sooo... Jei-ji's gone home for Christmas now and I miss her already! I hope the snow doesn't cause her too many delays at Heathrow (I know they've cancelled/delayed some flights although hers wasn't affected on my last check). I'll be going home myself either tomorrow, Sunday or early next week, dependant on the weather (icy roads/blizzards = not gonna make my mum drive to get me).

It snowed a little here yesterday and today, although not enough to settle. I hear it's insane in London/the South-east though. Wonder if it'll travel westward at all...

I saw Laura (her official title is 'Mental Health Facilitator' lol) at college yesterday and she was very very nice. I feel like I'll definitely have some good support next term. She also thinks that I should apply for DSA again this year even though I didn't think I needed it, so I'll have to think about that. If my local GP can give me a doctor's note for my recent absences, I can definitely get a mitigating circumstances extension for my Networking and Web Dev assignments and hand 'em both in after Xmas. I feel much more positive about all of it now.

Also, random new icon 'cause I haven't made one in a while :)

Haven't updated this thing in what almost feels like forever, so I figured I'd ramble for a bit. Part of this is just me doing some personal reflection, some of it's more otherkin-ish.

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Damn it's cold. It's been hovering between -2ºC and 2ºC during the day, and the water on the garage roof beneath my window is frozen, despite being pretty deep puddles. Now, every year when I post my obligatory "I'm cooold!!" post, people comment to tell me "Tch, that's nothing! It's -9000 here in the winter!". I don't care :P I'm cold. The heat only comes on in the evenings, so all I have for heating is a bed robe and a hot water bottle. Brr, guys, BRR! Winter is here for sure! They're talking about even colder weather and icy roads and snow by the weekend... hope that won't affect me going home for Xmas :(

Also, the water coming out of my kitchen tap has, over the past few days, suddenly started coming out cloudy and milky in colour. Someone on =SSMB= suggested that maybe it's just that the water is just supersaturated and it's just tiiiiiiny air bubbles. Could be. It doesn't taste any different and I haven't felt ill from it despite drinking it daily. It's just... odd. I contacted my property manager about it anyway and she's investigating.

*Sneezes* -_- Here we go. The slightest change in temperature, especially warmer to cooler, makes me sneeze uncontrollably. Never just once... always six, seven, eight times or more. Screw window thermometers; just use my nose as an indicator for temperature drops :P

In closing, I am seeing a woman called Laura at college tomorrow. She's a counsellor who deals with helping students with emotional or mental health problems. I have not had any relapses since that last incident and honestly feel fine now, but I will be having a chat with her anyway as she may have some coping strategies for me should my mood ever dip that low again in the new year. The marks on my face are all but gone now, and the ones on my arm are just fading remnants. My eyebrows came back in very fast and should be all back within a week or so. My hair is obnoxiously short but has always grown fast and so I don't imagine it'll take long to get back to where I'd like it to be, length-wise. In the new year, I'm going to lose some weight. I kinda slipped up with that again due to comfort eating and being a food addict in general, but I wanna get back into my good trousers, dammit! No silly diets, just good old healthy eating and exercise, yes'm! I'm overweight right now and I don't like it, but I know it won't take long to lose it if I'm good. *Halo*

Found on 6aCornfield on journalfen:

So, LJ is making it mandatory to choose either Male or Female when signing up for a new account. Oh, and choosing Unspecified? HAH! That's silly!

Marta replies to RM's post here.




-Mordax and David

A few days ago I deemed it not to important so I never brothered writing, but Draco had been fronting, my Mom had gotten cut Draco saw her blood color, and he commented to me that my mother was sickly. Draco took a liking to her and had a bit of a break down about it. Well, just yesterday it turns out, my moter had got the shingles and a tooth infection. Real nice. I hope Draco's visions of her in a hospitle bed doesn't come true any time soon.

also been writing Harry Potter fanficion. It's been keeping me really busy.

-Glimmer

XD; A-doy!

Aaanyway...

---
FAO Jade!
---

Lwmpmawr arrived today! :DDD Wow, that was quick! And it was indeed... lumpy. Bwahaha. Aww, Jade, you didn't have to ^^ Such an awesome little bundle of gifts. I'll admit I was kinda confused by the popcorn in the Lush box (Lush is such a weird company XD) but no worries, I didn't eat it. The Radox bath soak looks lovely (it's blue, yay!), and the Flying Fox temple balm is made of pure win for the name alone! I'm definitely gonna be using all this stuff. I might even run a bath using one of the bath bombs right after I'm done writing this ^^ The letter was awesome; you're just so sweet... aww, and the Christmas card is great!! I'm really touched at how you addressed it to me AND Jei... I know she'll be grateful too :)

In short, thanks so much!! ♥

I wasn't online much yesterday because it was Jei's birthday! ^____^ A belated online happy birthday to my beautiful shmoo. 24 years of age, yay!

Being broke, we weren't able to do too much, but we did have lunch at La Tasca, the local tapas bar, and it was REALLY good. Mm-mm, A++, would eat again. I made her a li'l birthday card, and we walked down to the shore and spent some time wandering around the arcade and sitting on the sea-front. She surprised me by buying a little ring from Enigma (a shop that sells crystals and incense and that sort of stuff) and giving it to me as a stand-in until she can afford to buy me the proper engagement ring she picked out for me a while ago. It was such a cute thing for her to do, especially on her own birthday ^^

Aww, I love you so much, Jei-ji n.n

Oh, by the way *drool*



Yes Sonic I still love you and I also love your sexy car ♥♥♥ Mrrrow!

Oh Xell. It takes so much effort to get really *good* chaos and disorder going.

I do it for you.

And for the lulz.

Update of an old pic I did when I was just starting drawing.

The Happy Mask Man from Zelda- even the face he shows isn't real.

DeDraMo 11. Pencil, photoshop. 1 1/2 hours.


Who is that Happy Mask Man by ~Greer-The-Raven on deviantART

For comparison- the original. Drawn in 2003.


The Happy Mask Man by ~Greer-The-Raven on deviantART

Oh, silly me. I think that my past transgressions have probably only gone to strengthen the position that all fictionkin are in actuality just 'crazy' people who, to attempt to escape, or allow for, their mental deficiencies - ascribe to crazy beliefs as if to transcend their own mundaneness. Ah, but I was someone cool in a past life! It makes me feel better to cling to that! My past life must have messed me up, so naturally I'm unable to cope with even trivial things in this life! It's something I can lean on to feel better about myself in the light of how pathetic I really am! It's troll food really, isn't it? If it weren't for people like me, sites like ED* would have so very little to feed on (*I love ED dearly actually).

I don't... I don't think that way. I don't think having 'crazy' beliefs has anything to do with one's current state of being, unless one lets them. Maybe it's true that the crazy chemicals in my brain that make me freak out and do wacky things on occasion are the very same that allow me to believe in fictional past lives, but I'll never use that as a crutch. You could take that away from me and I'd still be me. I'll still have highs and lows and I'll still fight back. I'm more than that.

I won't cry. I won't wail that another life was so much better or that I was strong then. Honestly, if it came to pass that any of my past life beliefs are true, I'm sure I was as imperfect and screwed up then as now. But really, who isn't, in their own way? And if it's just a creation of my mind, a world of make-believe akin to dreams, then all the more reason for me to still be me in it. As far as how I feel, dreams ARE real, in a way. The world as we see it is just a construct of our senses, perceived in a way that we can understand.

I dream lucidly and vividly often and in detail. My mind turns electrical signals in my head into objects and people and sights and smells and sounds. The only difference is that afterwards, my physical body in the waking world is unaffected by anything that transpired in that dream world. But it was a reality in its own right because I sensed it, perhaps only through my dream-self, but never the less it was a me, feeling, seeing, thinking. Often even perfectly aware that I'm in a dream, and thinking about my 'real' life outside of it, as if that real life were itself the dream.

Hello mania. That's, I'm sure, what anyone would say. Because I feel alive now, typing, letting words flow... that's just as worrying as shutting myself up and not speaking at all, right? More chemicals in my head, this time making me feel good and positive and purposeful.

I know I don't sound quite right now. My writing is all false poetry and purple prose, goddammit. But so what? If that's what wants to be free right now, is it really such a crime?

I'm Alex, Jai, Flyboy, Tails, Jim Mack, Kojirou, Robin... all at once, all the same, all part of the patchwork quilt that makes up my being. If I fall, I'll get up stronger. Is this what it's like to be on top of the world?

DeDraMo 9 (catch up from yesterday to come later.)

Having just finished Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, I needed to draw some father-daughter tenderness.

Pencil, pen, photoshop. 2 hours.


Silent Hill:SM I Need Love by ~Greer-The-Raven on deviantART


EDIT: DeDraMo 10 catchup

Here's James Sudnerland. I love James. He looks like someone's following him! That can't be good!

Pencil, photoshop. 1 hour.


SH2: Anxious James by ~Greer-The-Raven on deviantART

Story: The story is amazing. If you enjoyed the stories is the first 3 Silent Hills, this game will be a joy to you. It has a tight narrative, well acted and superbly paced. The game play and story fit together like a glove. The use of the psychology tests to tailor the details of the story to the specific player are used masterfully, and fit easily within the whole narrative. The characters are all compelling and multi-layered. A fantastic tale for any medium, this game should be played by anyone who is a fan of psychological thrillers.

Game Play: The game play is composed of three "modes" or sequence types. The first type is the wandering type. You search around the town, solve puzzles, take pictures, and interact with various other characters. This is the mode that most advances the plot, and in my opinion, the most fun to play. You get to have a lot of interaction, and just being able to passively observe all the details in the environments is a lot of fun. The puzzles are challenging, but not aggravating, and unlike some prior SHs none of them require strange out of game knowledge to complete without a guide. The atmosphere during these is somber, and moody, and more than a little spooky.

The second type are the Psychiatrist's office where you interact with a doctor, who puts the events of the game in a very psychological light, and presents you with psych tests in order to judge what kind of a person you are, and what to throw out at you in the game. These sections are really intriguing, and add a lot to the story. They're also a little bit disorienting, as you are thrown out of the action and onto the couch; however, this is clearly intentional, and serves to punctuate the events of the game.

The third type are the "nightmare chase" sequences. This is where you drop everything, and run away from unkillable monsters. It's intense, and panicky, and more than a little frustrating, especially if you don't have a good sense of direction as the paths are very twisting, and non-linear.

Graphics: The graphics in the game are surprisingly beautiful and detailed. I found it a shame that some much of the world had to be run through at high speed, because I spent a lot of time in the wandering sequences just enjoying all of the gorgeous detail in the environments. The snow and ice were especially pretty and actually looked real. The flashlight similarly shed light in a realistic manner and threw neat shadows all over the place. The character model's were very good, although Harry's face seemed just a touch rubbery (especially without glasses on).

Controls: The wii controls are... a mixed bag, from my point of view. On the one hand, controlling the flashlight was a joy. Using it to *steer* however, was not, and I found myself running in all directions, and at a disadvantage because of my shaky hands. It was also hard to turn during the chase sequences. Shaking off monsters worked really well, although it was tiring; it was difficult at first, but after I got the hang of it simulating shaking off monsters with the wiimote was really very immersive. Likewise I found the cellphone menu to be well implemented and easy to use.

Music and Sound: While not quite as fantastic as the music in previous Silent Hill games, it's still *really good*. It fit the mood well, and was used in a minimalist way that fit the tone of each scene. I quite like the soundtrack, although mostly the vocal tracks.

Overall: The game is a fine example of the series. While the lack of combat is a huge thing to adapt to, the system fits the game. In fact, all of the elements really gel into one great experience. The game is short, but extremely well paced, and has immense replay value because of the psych profile system and multiple endings. If you are a fan of horror, play this game!

It is snowing like crazy here. How appropriate.

My muscles are sore from all the wiimote action. XD

Full, spoiler free review coming this evening.

Yaaah... I dunno what I set off here, but I feel like it's skeltering out of control more quickly than I can keep up with it, and I just wanna shove it back in its box and put a lid on it ^^;

I am okay.

Here's how it stands:

I am not going to the hospital. I am not going to the local doctor here. I am not calling a crisis hotline. I am not seeing a shrink.

I am seeing a college counsellor next Thursday (one week from now), for what it's worth. I am going to see my doctor, who knows me well, back at home sometime after the 18th of this month.

I'm alright, really I am, and right now I feel more worried and guilty about all the people I panicked than about myself. Yes, I'm still having low moods... it's par for the course. I'm not great, but I'm not crazy or a danger to myself or anyone else either. I spazzed out, and now I think it's out of my system. The marks on my face are almost gone and the ones on my arms are healing well. My hair, amazingly, looks alright (if a little 'dyke-ish' ^^;). My eyebrows are coming back remarkably fast and Jei won't be able to say that I look like a chemotherapy patient for much longer :P

I am fine. Really I am. It's been nice to see that even my trolls have decided not to troll me over all this ('though I guess I'm tempting fate now), but really it's not all that. Please, troll me. I can take it XD; I'd prefer it, really.

Life goes on, things can get back to normal. This is me, what I do. It's not the first time and it may not be the last, but even in my insanity I have my boundaries that won't be overstepped.

Thanks for all your support, guys. Now, can we forget about me for a bit? XP